Grief is love in disguise: creative ideas to celebrate your loved one

I’ve been thinking a lot about grief lately. In the wake of the pandemic, it’s an energy that’s present within most of my clients, yet it looks, sounds, feels and manifests itself in different ways with everyone. Sometimes, it can feel like you’re on a pendulum, swinging between a state of shock and hurt to momentarily ‘forgetting’ and numbness. For some it feels like an all encompassing intensity: a life that will never be the same again. For others it's a gentle wave of bittersweet moments that come and go. 

Grief tends to feel heavy because it doesn’t exist alone. It often carries the undercurrents of fear, anger, regret, guilt and shame. Fear for an uncertain future. Anger for leaving too soon. Regret for words never spoken. Guilt for actions never taken. And shame because unfortunately, we’re hard-wired to blame ourselves when life feels out of control.  

Grief can make you feel powerless because you can’t turn back time, do things differently or change what happened. Grief doesn’t have a timeline, even though pressure from work, family, friends or society might make you feel like you ‘should’ be over it by now. Just like healing, grief is a process that looks different for everyone. Grief simply needs time, patience and compassion for people to truly comprehend and work through the heartbreak of losing a loved one. 

This quote by Jamie Anderson tenderly summarises the heart of grief. 

“Grief is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”

Grief is love in disguise. This perspective is often transformational for my clients, because it provides a deeper and more heartfelt meaning for what they’re experiencing and why they hurt so much. It normalises their pain and suffering. It also gives them the permission to find an outlet for their love; to make a conscious choice to channel it into something that will help them to transform their unbearable heartache to a bearable pulse, with time, patience and compassion. 

“Getting it off your chest” by sharing your grief and heaviness of emotions with a trusted friend, colleague, family member and therapist is always healthy. Yet sometimes, the weight of the grief and emotions you’re carrying makes talking feel daunting, overwhelming and exhausting. Instead, here are a few creative suggestions for ways you can express, process and celebrate the love you’re carrying. 

1. Create an image (with or without words) using the prompt, I wish I said___. 

2. Write an acrostic poem using your loved ones name and qualities to celebrate them, for example: 

Smile feels like sunshine

Always knew how to make you feel better

Rare blend of sweet and sassy

Always felt like home

Hopeful about life 

1. Journal about how they influenced your life, using the following prompts for inspiration:

1. My mannerisms and gestures.

2. My way of speaking and communicating.

3. My hobbies and pastime activities.

4. My personality.

5. My values and beliefs.

You might also consider trying these creative ideas with family members or others that were close to your loved one. It can be a lovely way to deepen your bonds with each other, share fond memories together, and feel less alone in your grief.