How ‘fine’ am I? Questions to check-in with yourself
In the simplest way possible, our mental health involves how we think, feel, behave and relate to others. What everyone needs to know about mental health is also pretty simple:
Everyone has mental health
Everyone needs to actively look after their mental health every day
Everyone can struggle to manage the demands of life, which effects their mental health
Everyone is susceptible to mental ill-health
When we’re mentally healthy, it can look like setting and achieving day to day tasks and goals, having a consistent sleeping and eating routine, having a stable mood where we can experience both highs and lows and come back to a place of being centered, and an overall sense that we’re able to manage the common daily stress of juggling work, family, social and other life responsibilities. Mental ill-health on the other hand is an entire spectrum of mental states that can range from moments and/or days of feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and depressed to prolonged periods of time where we don’t feel like ourselves, and our usual patterns of thinking, feeling, being and relating are disrupted.
Everyone moves across the mental health and ill-health spectrum on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. We’d be lying to ourselves if we believed that “we’re fine” every single day, which also stands for ‘Freaked out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional’. Unfortunately that little white lie of feeling “fine” is a reflection of a ‘stiff upper lip’ society that has conditioned us for centuries to believe that our mental health is insignificant, and has instead created a multitude of distractions to stop us from simply feeling and expressing our true selves. The bottom line is, mental ill-health isn’t a sign of weakness or shameful. Mental ill-health is a natural response to a world that is driven by capitalism, fueled by how much we consume, and values how much we produce rather than prioritizing our need for stillness, joy and nourishment.
Oftentimes, we get so caught up in staying on top of life’s demands, whilst trying to keep up the appearance that “we’re fine”, that we don’t even know how to gauge where we are on our personal mental health / ill-health spectrum. I say personal, because everyone has a unique way of thinking, feeling, being, and relating, which they’ve formed based on their personal experiences in life, and everyone has their own threshold of how much of life's demands they can manage before reaching their personal tipping point into mental ill-health. The way I react to a stressful event is completely different to the way you, or a colleague may react to the same event. Neither is better, we’re just different.
Regardless of the differences in how everyone reacts to life events, Socrates' infamous quote “to know thyself is the beginning of wisdom” still rings true. Taking the time to check-in with yourself, which means having a radical truth conversation with yourself about how you’re really feeling (hint: “fine” is not an acceptable answer) gives you insight on where you may be sitting on your mental health and ill-health spectrum. That awareness gives you the power to make a choice to prioritize your wellbeing, and nurture yourself back to health. Here are some questions to help you reflect on your mental health spectrum:
Check in with yourself:
Am I feeling low and hopeless?
Have I lost interest in activities, hobbies and things that used to excite me?
Am I feeling exhausted and more restless than usual?
Has my motivation at work decreased for no apparent reason?
Am I wanting to spend more time alone, and avoiding friends and family?
Have my eating patterns changed? Am I skipping meals or overeating?
How restful or disturbed is my sleep pattern?
Has my sex-drive become low or increased?
Pretending to be fine not only hurts you, it hurts everyone. We don’t need more white lies and falseness. What we need is more vulnerability, authenticity, kindness and connection.
Remember that everyone needs help to feel better, so also ask yourself:
Who can I reach out to for connection and/or to ask for help?
What can I do to take care of myself today?